dear yihyih,

talk to me.
you're making it worst by not talking to me. because then i start thinking about the whys and the what ifs... i swear. i think about you more now than when you were talking to me... jaimie thinks i'm obsessing and i starting to believe her.
would it be better if i break up with him?
maybe if i just confront you? so you can break me into pieces and be satisfy and over with...
or i can pull the emo crap... into daylight. cause i am tired of sleeping with suicidal thoughts hoping you'll at least notice me.
i tried to tell myself to ignore you, that i could live without your acceptance. but you know what. it doesn't work the way i wanted to...
right now i can only think of two irrational options... because right now we're doing the rational.
either you can just talk to me (of course that would never happen... but i can still wish/hope/dream) or i can reach the brink of insanity and maybe you would talk to me out of pity... at most. you can yell at me, accuse me of all the horrible things i've ever done to you... just... talk to me.
or least show that i still exsist in your eyes. make eye contact...
i can pull the emo shit i swear i will... but i think you'll ignore me even more. should i stalk you? but then jaimie will get mad. but until i ... can... i dont know what to do anymore.
i'll just try to ignore you back, since that's what you want me to do.. at least i assume you do. since everytime i say hi or bye... you would just walk away.
it hurts... whenever i get near you and you on purpose would just walk the other way...
but i guess i deserve it.
... really though, i think about you way more than i should. the only time i can get away is when i sleep, but sometimes i dream of you. and that sucks.

i would love to say goodbye. but that would hurt too much.
so i guess i shall stick with goodnight.

however... i think you stopped reading my blogs way back then.
love you.

Update and maybe expand

HI YALL!!!
so it's the beginning of 2nd semester at my dear high school. i am slightly freaking out cause i'm not sure if i have D or a C in physics... i swear i hate science because of that class... but yeah.

so far my update list!!
college acceptance:
Concordia University (CA)
St. Johns University (NY)
Northwest Christian University (OR)
CSULA
California State Polytechnic University, Pomona (under chem. engineering apparently it's amazing that i made it with that major)
University of California, Riverside.

waiting for:
rest of the UCs.
cal poly san luis obispo
University of Pacific
San Diego State University
University of British Columbia

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adv. psy is freaking me out. x] i keep thinking i won't make it cause it deals with personal stuff. and i have to visit a support group and talk about it in class ALONE. because my partner switched to 6th period and i'm in 3rd.

love life. is going swell with my boyfriend it will be our 5th month this saturday. which is also the same day as our Riverside Regional (big show hope we make it to finals) and winterball.

friends. drama x90283748923 as usual.

and yupp...

but yeah i wanted to write this whole post about life and love and ever afters. but you know what... i'll think about it later.

loves!

btw. i hate california weather.
so random.
it was sunny and hot i was wearing sunglasses thennn. its freezing and pouring.
damn california is going through menopause. :3