it's okay, join the club.

about me:
hello, my name is Ka Hei Joyce Leung. my parents put in the Joyce like 3ish years after i came to America. no one calls me Joyce, except for church people, my brother, and Starbucks people. I'm 16. my birthday is September 25, 1991. i was born in St. Mary's Hospital, Hong Kong, "Britain" or whatever. i lived in Hong Kong till i was 5, and then i moved to California. then at 6 i moved back because my grandfather died. i believe i stayed there for the summer, but i don't really remember...
throughout childhood i live with an over controlling brother who loves to be a dictator. basically i get beaten and sentence to my version of hell back when i was 4-14 years old. which is getting beaten, stand on the wall, public humiliation, suffocation... etc. all those good stuff older siblings do to their younger. my parents were never home because they worked A LOT. our funds are fairly low. so i understand the working and such. so it's only my grandmother but back then she was 79-80 ish. so she couldnt do much. and my brother was violent. i believe he gets it from my dad, cause he gets anger outburst too. the worst memory [i bet there was worst but...] that i remeber about my dad was this one time when i was 8 i think. i wanted to walk the dog. well the dog is like my size. and very very very energetic. so i put it on a leash and it dragged me down the street until my brother stop it. i was crying laying in the middle of the street. until my mom came and picked me up. my knees were skinned. like really skinned. first thing my dad said was "that's what you get." but in chinse, it's like those chinese phrases. well i cried even more, and he started yelling at me about how stupid i was, and its all my fault. we're wasting bandages on me. etc.etc. well after that i learn. to never ever tell my dad anything. i'll just tell my mom. it worked out pretty well. but then my mom would tell my dad and it'll carry over and i'll just get yell at about how much i'm wasting bandaids, tissues,
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i finished the post. but blogspot was ... underconstruction
i finished like an hour after this was saved...
and i dont have the heart to re do it.
let's just end this with

it's okay if you dont understand me.
no one does. even i dont.
so <3

another summer.

There are pictures that you never pay attention to, and there are pictures that you just want to look at over and over again. There are things that people wrote to you that you never care to read, and there are other things that you just can't stop but to reminisce constantly in your head...

-Wenxin Mu

another summer. another school year...

Cause lately i've been tired... oh so tired.

lately ... i've been putting my emotions > everything else. and that pretty much screwed me over.

cause then my best friend Edward. got hurt. Troy my good friend got hurt. other ppl got hurt. and i... i've been emotional.

"its a hot tranny mess" as talia would say it.

well bascially... a promise for me is a big thing... but i realize. a promise. is... bullshit. well for me it is. so far in my experience.

but you know what? its because i make the impossible promises. like i want to ride in Edward's car first. but he can't help but give a friend a ride ya know?
...
golly im stupid.

so you know what?
for a change

its everyone else > me.
who cares. either way i'm just an emotional mess.

" i won't give up, i won't give in. im ready for my life to start again." -Reason to Live by ZOEgirl.

i'm trying.
please let me accomplish it. at least let me do something right.

cause i make stupid mistakes especially when my emotions run high. so forget me.

i'm trying.






i need you scot.