lyric box

I felt this way before
I fell right through the floor
And I am certain I've become
Broken, bruised, and numb
Would you restate your opinion
And hold back your investigation
Do you see the sins you're making
Cause I've made them all before

I will now rise from the ashes
Don't call me pretentious
I'm sitting here making my own rules
And if I fall from the ceiling
You'll be down there waiting
And my only hope
Is falling down

And by my own admission
You'll find that my condition
Is worse than you imagined
You're better off if you know
But every time before that I
Tried to measure pain inside
You can't ignore it
Right now I can't ignore it

I will now rise from the ashes
Don't call me pretentious
I'm sitting here making my own rules
And if I fall from the ceiling
You'll be down there waiting
To finish me

It's Settling
Inside Of Me

I'll take my heart
And rip my feelings out
Before they make me doubt
And I'll fall down with flames burning
Alive again
As long as you know that

I will now rise from the ashes
Don't call me pretentious
I'm sitting here making my own rules
And if I fall from the ceiling
You'll be down there waiting
To finish me
Finish me


Rise From the Ashes QuietDrive

sorry you guys i'm not feeling it this weekend...
just had a bad day... well still having since its not over.
but its not a concrete bad day its... an emotionally bad day.
seems like today i just can't control my emotions.
i yelled, i cried, i bitched...
i'm sorry if any of you guys took offense.

Loves~?

Scot says:
obviously, i would encourage you to move on....
it's easy to say... it's not easy to do however, from however much I did get to know you, you're sensitive to others, intelligent, and easy to get along with you're young, and there is still SO very much that you have left to do I'd say, never ever forget your friend, but everyone would want you to do/be the best you can be, and this can/will be a very very bright future.

thanks Scot.
its funny how the people that truly helps and understands me
are the people that doesn't see me the way i am usually...

i guess... like my friend Eugina, we went out to Starbucks today. and she told me that she noticed that i was: quiet, depressed, like her [cause she's THE sad girl], distant...etcetc. i couldn't explain to her.
well i tried

"i'm just tired of smiling, and being happy. i just want to be sad for one day... its like how you perform, you hate performing smiling and all that. and if you smile too much it just turns fake... i dont know. its like how whenever your back faces the audience you just totally stop smiling and relax be whatever emotion you want to be, but when you turn back to face the audience its back to smiles. that's how i feel, i've been performing too much, i need my break time. and i guess today is the day..."

i dont know. it seems like i've been faking happiness. for a long time. but i can assure you that i am so not faking, that much. Faking seems like a bad thing, it really isn't. i mean who would want to see sad people 24/7? i dont. so... yah. i'm not that happy, yet i'm not that sad. i'm right in the middle with a tinge of bipolarness.

now if someone understands. i would be truly delighted.

oops didn't mean to write that much. :] just got into it.