talk to me.
you're making it worst by not talking to me. because then i start thinking about the whys and the what ifs... i swear. i think about you more now than when you were talking to me... jaimie thinks i'm obsessing and i starting to believe her.
would it be better if i break up with him?
maybe if i just confront you? so you can break me into pieces and be satisfy and over with...
or i can pull the emo crap... into daylight. cause i am tired of sleeping with suicidal thoughts hoping you'll at least notice me.
i tried to tell myself to ignore you, that i could live without your acceptance. but you know what. it doesn't work the way i wanted to...
right now i can only think of two irrational options... because right now we're doing the rational.
either you can just talk to me (of course that would never happen... but i can still wish/hope/dream) or i can reach the brink of insanity and maybe you would talk to me out of pity... at most. you can yell at me, accuse me of all the horrible things i've ever done to you... just... talk to me.
or least show that i still exsist in your eyes. make eye contact...
i can pull the emo shit i swear i will... but i think you'll ignore me even more. should i stalk you? but then jaimie will get mad. but until i ... can... i dont know what to do anymore.
i'll just try to ignore you back, since that's what you want me to do.. at least i assume you do. since everytime i say hi or bye... you would just walk away.
it hurts... whenever i get near you and you on purpose would just walk the other way...
but i guess i deserve it.
... really though, i think about you way more than i should. the only time i can get away is when i sleep, but sometimes i dream of you. and that sucks.
i would love to say goodbye. but that would hurt too much.
so i guess i shall stick with goodnight.
however... i think you stopped reading my blogs way back then.
love you.
3 comments:
You're only thinking about yourself. It seems like you just regret what you've done, and wish to be accepted by him again so you can feel redeemed. You would even enjoy being yelled at because its punishment you think you rightly deserve.
But that isn't how redemption works. You read Kite Runner right? Do you know why it doesn't end until after Amir runs the kite for Sohrab? It's because that is the first time in the whole story that Amir has truly done something selfless from his guilt. He is actually trying to do nothing but make Sohrab happy, unlike before how when he was praying so that there wouldn't be "more blood" on his hands. When Amir uses his guilt to motivate himself to be a better person rather than being selfish about it, he has truly redeemed himself, which is the central theme of the novel.
Mistakes happen. Just move on and don't make them again. The past is gone. If you keep spending all your time trying to go back to times you were happy before, you will end up miserable. It seems like you always think about the boys that are gone. If you don't appreciate what you have right now, you will always be lamenting over your missed opportunities.
Real love is when you actually care about someone else's happiness more than your own. He has probably tried to move on, and wants to forget about the past. So you need to move on too.
Take a deep breath, calm down, say you're sorry, and move on. Life will go on. There are plenty of other people to talk to too. If you don't, you will eventually regret not talking to the people who will no longer be in your life when you had the chance.
I know this is long, and you might not even read all of it or listen to any of it, but just know that at least I care about you.
I want you to be happy... cheer up and change the way you look at things :]
jaimie has nothing to do with this, and wishes to stay out of it. nd emo/suicidal is the last thing i see coming out of you. drink more soup and get better
dear writter, both comments above seem pretty correct.throughout ur life, u may have been alone or not loved by the pplz u went after. but don't think that way. if not now, u will find ur one true love in the future. maybe this person that ur thinking of or r talking about, may not be the one. but there will always be someone there thats thinking of u. at times, u may think that this person is just loving u through pity, or maybe he went after u for other reasons. but thinking too much and thinking pointlessly will just give u unreal scenarios. writer, even though the person u r talking about doesn't cherish u, there are always pplz like me and others(for example the two commenters above) that still care and r willing to help u.
-put a smile on :]
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